the wild musing

Hi Ate Z! Hope you’re having a good day! Im so delighted that you chose me to be one of this, Im sorry this took a lot of time. I haven’t checked my inbox for a long time. So yeah, anyway here are the five, I believe, nice things about me.

I am family oriented. I feel safe and secured when im with them, it’s always a pleasure to wake up everyday seeing them. My time spent with them is worth every second. Because when all else fails, they’re my strength. I love them a lot. Family is forever.

I love making people happy. Though at some point, I may look stupid and weird, but I guess that’s the essence of life after all. It’s being happy and making people happy.

I am appreciative. Big or small things can really make me happy like a kid who got a new toy. I even have a box filled with memorable stuffs that was given by special people. And wow, I need a bigger one though.

I don’t profligate. Impulse buying is not my thing. I can manage my allowance by dividing it into two; for my daily needs and half of it will go to my savings. My parents admire me for that.

and of course not to brag, I am a sweet damsel. *winks* then eventually *laughs*, not the clingy type. I like surprising people. I like making them feel how much I love them, maybe not by words but I assure you that indeed, my actions speak louder than my words.

TRUTH BE TOLD

Can’t stand those people talking behind my back. Say it infront of my face and we’ll try to find a way to deal with it. But if you’re dumb, well…

If you find me very secretive. I accept that, in one way or another, I am a chattery person. I talk a lot to reliable people. To people that I am comfortable with. To people that shares their thoughts with me as much of a muchness as I do. If you’re shareable, why not? I open up when I know you’re trustworthy enough. It’s hard for me to trust anyone and even harder today. I dont wanna jeopardize myself from keeping anything about me to blabby ones. So if I cant share it with you, respect.

If you find me unapproachable, precisely because you’re unapproachable too. I can be as friendly as you want me to be and I can be hostile as you wouldn’t wish me to be. I try to fit in to groups that I feel out of place, not to the extent that it’s more of a hi-im-trying-to-fit-in game than wow-im-fitting-in-already. I get tired, who doesn’t? If it’s not my world, let it be.

If you got a problem with my unreplied messages, bear with that. I dont own a loading company, I can’t have credits all the time. I am not free 24/7 to check my phone and fb, so basically you’ll get a late reply. If I don’t reply, prior to the credits, it’s either I don’t have anything to say or I simply didn’t like your message. Nevertheless, I still understand those seened messages. No “Thank you, Kathy”, not even a two lettered word “ty” yet you judge me quickly.

Forming an opinion is different from judging without a hitch. Once you are being true, people will judge you quickly but they are slow in correcting themselves. Grow up, start now.

Every time I see these photos, it kills me. It’s like a ten wheeler truck hit me by the ground. These photos were taken last march 2, 2012 beyond 7pm, just 4 days before his death. I can’t imagine that he’s gone. Of all his grandchildren, I can consider myself as his favourite. Yuuhh! I can still remember those doughnuts I bought whenever a ten peso is left from my baon, Bavarian flavour- yan ang flavour na binibili ko for him. I miss the way he speaks; we were tapped out by his awesomeness in speaking English language whenever he is drunk. No doubts, he was a Suma Cum Laude during his college year. Then he met my lola. Though they got married at a young age, they were still able to raise their 7 children in a simple way (in rural). Because of their perseverance and hard work, they got the opportunity and enough money to be able to live in an urban place; I saw the courage and love they had shown for each other. They used to sell bibingka, isaw and uling. Though they already had enough money to relax and stay away from heavy jobs, they still worked. Until they grew old together, 62 years of marriage. And it all ended last march 6,2012, two days before my birthday.
But the pain of yesterday still remains today. As I see my lola sitting alone on a bench outside our house, I know he misses lolo. She stares at the sky, watching over the stars and says “tua na imung lolo” then tears came running down from her eyes.

But that was 2 years ago. 2 years that wasn’t really enough to mend our hearts from that crestfallen time. And now my Lola is finally home, home with her one true love(my lolo) and with God. I saw how my Lola was saddened because of Lolo’s death, she was bereft but stayed strong. She may have that different outlook but deep down I know how much she misses Lolo. There was this line that her son(my uncle) stated in his eulogy, “When Papang died 2 years ago, I have prepared myself because I know that Mamang wont stay long anymore.”. Yes, we all live in a borrowed time and she have reached her octogenarian status, but it wasn’t what I expected. I lost my grandparents in a span of 2 years. The thought is veritably painful. But nevertheless, I am very thankful for giving her 85 years to live in this wonderful world and for 19 years and counting of having a generous and blithesome Grandma. Your memories, be it sad or happy will be stamped in our hearts, your mouthwatering and luscious bibingka and puto will forever be our favourite. I love you both!! Until then!!